Tie Me, Tease Me - Reese Gabriel Unlike the groundhog who did not see his shadow after he got his rickety ass out, spring had not come in for a long time to Col.H. Kinkweaner’s sexual game. Kinkweaner could not get it up, let alone seeing a shadow while hijacking an apple bottom at JC Penny. After those lame ass pills did not work, the Colonel decided to visit a sex shop owned by 'A Pimp Formerly Called Slickback(aPFCS'). And while the Colonel was trying on some pink furry handcuffs……

aPKCS:- Sir, pink ain’t your fucking color!

Col.H.Kinkweaner :- Huh....I think I wanna have sexual relationship...

aPKCS:- You a ho’! Coz’ I ain’t fuckin’ some old motherfucking ass!

Colonel:- Fuck you! You punk ass pimp! Imma need a tied up pussy.

aPKCS:- Please say the whole thing , sir. It is ‘A Pimp Formerly Called Slickback’.

Colonel: - Man this same ol’ bullshit! You better have an ass whupping insurance coz’ I’m gonna whupp you ugly ass!

aPKCS:- Bitch don’t start with me! I ain’t taking my pussy ass asking for a *sexual relations*

**( The Pimp Formerly Called Slickback hands the Colonel a DVD of ‘Tie Me, Tease Me’)**

aPFCS:- Watch this! You ol’ sonofabitch! Might bring some fucking kink in your lame ass weiner…

Colonel:- Whaaaaaaa……. Shiba-fucking whoooo…..

aPFCS:- Shibari…… It’s a Japanese art of knotting wet pussies…

Colonel: - Imma make my dick do some pussy ass piñatas!!!

aPFCS:- Look at you!! Ol’ bitchless sonofabitch wanking on those tied pussy piñatas like it’s your motherfuckin’ birthday. You need some hog-tie to make them bitches wet.

Colonel:- Whaaaa….hogtie!! Fuck you!! I ain’t fuckin’ some punk ass pig!! I like my ham dead and cut on my plate.

**( The Pimp now frustrated with the Colonel , kneels down to prayer)**

aPFCS:- Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch. And, guide his dick to be hard. If ain’t getting any tied pussy, let him get some bigg-ass Viagra. Amen.

Colonel:- Look at you speaking all that good shit a second ago and now you pray on your ugly ass. FUCK YOU!! Its like calling 1-800- ass –whupping, Imma go get some tied up pussies on my own. Thankyou , Mr.Slickback.

aPFCS:- Did being bitchless made you deaf? Repeat after me. It’s ‘A Pimp Formely Called Slickback’. What’s gotten into you?

Colonel: - The same punk ass thing that’s gonna get into you. Imma make it do what it do!

Colonel Kinkweaner finally a saw a morning shadow and spring came early!!